Women in Business Creating Profit and Lifestyle!

You may have read recently about Jodhi Meares and her sudden departure from Australia’s Next Top Model.  Some of you may be thinking – who cares? Well – I find it interesting that even though Jodhi is a model and TV personality, deep down she suffers from performance anxiety – like many people.  To be a celebrity you need to really like attention, so what gives?

At the core of such anxiety is fear: fear of failure, of looking stupid, of not doing a good enough job.  This fear has numerous manifestations: fluttering or pounding heart, tremor in hands and legs, diarrhoea, facial nerve tics and dry mouth.  We’ve all been there and sometimes we take action and challenge those fears, and at other times we choose not to. As a kid I remember standing up to recite poetry in year 7 at school.  When I stood up in front of the class and saw 30 eyes on me, I was overcome with fear and when I went to speak, I started stuttering.  Such was my first life lesson in stage fright and what an incredible force fear is, when it takes over. Later when my book was published I was asked to speak at an event in Melbourne on Women, Work and Children in front of hundreds of people.  Now by this time I was an active member of Toastmasters and had done quite a bit of training in public speaking.  Apparently I did a great job but the truth was my leg shook uncontrollably the whole time.  I had to keep moving from one to the other and thank goodness there was a lectern.  My leg still trembles now when I do public speaking, at least initially.  I wonder – will this ever stop? Johdi’s current demise got me wondering about how much we really do let fear take over our lives.  Extreme fear and anxiety is crippling.  None of us are untouched by fear.  I wonder why Jodhi did not get media training to get her through what could have been a wonderful career opportunity?  Instead she has walked away feeling humiliated – the whole of Australia seeing her vulnerability. Business Coach Danielle Wicks, owner of ActionCoach Business Coaching says fear is the absolute number one cause of people not succeeding.  “If someone is going to face their fears and work through them, it is really important to explore what the fear is about initially and uncover what the person is really scared of.  Sometimes people are not consciously aware of what these fears are.  Once we have established this, then we can look at gaining the skills to conquer these fears.  In some cases it might be a real fear of failing for example but by not taking action, the person is failing anyway and that doesn’t make them feel good about themselves.   Working out what the fear is, is often the hardest part.  This is when you need to talk to a trusted friend or a coach to help you.” Women can sometimes let fear hold them back more than men.  This is not to say that women are not incredibly courageous, I think the opposite is true.  There are millions of wonderfully couraeous women in this world.  When growing up in traditional families like most of us did however, dads were usually the risk takers, the daredevils and mums were seen as the reliable caregivers.  Often we are conditioned not to take courageous action without being conscious of it.  Men are naturally encouraged to take risks and challenge their fears, it is all part of becoming a man. We need to consider in what areas fear does hold us back.  It is really about taking time out to think how this is manifesting in your life – how would your life be different if you never feared rejection for example?  How would your relationship differ or your working life?  “Letting fear hold you back is definitely more prevalent in women.  Men do allow fear to hold them back too but they are also better at disguising it than women and not conditioned the same way we are.  I also think it may be related to women and their upbringing and that often we have been conditioned to take second place,” says Danielle. Below is an example from ActionCoach Business Coaching of how we can work through a fear that holds many people back. FEAR OF FAILURE You believe that if you don’t succeed, disaster will result.  You think catastrophically — expecting the worst. Example: I’ll let down my family… I’ll lose the house… I’ll be humiliated. People who fear failure must learn the difference between devastation and disappointment.  Few outcomes are devastating…that’s an appropriate response only when life or health is at stake. Strategy I: Envision the terrible consequences you fear.  Then analyze the situation rationally. How likely is it that your worst fear will materialize?  Now forcefully challenge your fears.  Talk to yourself — out loud, if necessary. Example: I’ve handled setbacks before.  I can rise to the occasion. This won’t feel natural…but do it anyway.  Like any skill, controlling catastrophic thinking takes practice. Strategy II: Make a list of everything in your life that didn’t turn out as you planned…but ultimately worked out for the best. Example: I didn’t get the promotion I wanted…which made me quit my job and start my own business. The truth is fear cannot be eliminated from our lives, but we can learn to manage it and move importantly – move past it.

This blog is designed for Brisbane women, about Brisbane women. Have your say here.

What fears now hold you back from succeeding?  What fears do you choose to challenge and what fears do you not challenge ?  What strategies would you recommend to other women?  How have you conqured fear before?

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