Bring sexy back
July 2, 2009 | 
Author 
‘Sexy has almost become extinct for the average working woman,’ says Janelle Manton, director of Top Secret Women’s Business.
‘Women have become very masculine in their efforts to keep up with our demanding lifestyles and self-imposed standards.’
‘I’ve been curious about this area for some time and have spent the last few years researching and uncovering what is really happening in modern women’s lives. What we now know to be true is the importance energy has to play in our daily lives. This means masculine and feminine energy in particular and how the balance between the two is critical, for sustainability and longevity in a relationship – especially the one we have with ourselves.
There is also a lot to be said about the consequences of feminism and how we may have swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction, without considering what it would mean to us 30, 40, 50 years in the future. I don’t want to bring on a political debate about feminism, I am thankful for what our mothers and grandmothers have done for us. The very fact that I can share this opinion with you through my own company, is the result of many great women and at times, their sacrifices.
However, in my research, numerous studies and a lifetime of working with and coaching women, it has become clear that many women are not in touch with their deepest form of femininity – their sexuality and sensuality! They have turned into the provider, the hunter.
Modern women can initially find this notion of embracing your sexuality challenging, especially after years of being taught we need to downplay our sexuality, in order to be taken seriously. I think it is really important now for women to acknowledge, accept and cultivate their own sense of sexuality. Bringing sexy back into your life, or discovering it for the first time, is a natural part of womanhood and one that should be celebrated. A woman’s sexuality and confidence is a feminine birthright. It is needed for sustained energy and for your innate confidence as a woman.
In the book by Dr John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, Dr Gray mentions that a woman is in her feminine prime and most in touch with her femininity, when she is sexually active. My research supports this, as I’ve come to learn that a woman has access to the deepest part of her primal yearnings when she is having sex, feeling sensual and is most emotionally connected (and emotionally intelligent) during this time. A woman needs sexual activity in order to harness her feminine energy.
Sex is one of the most powerful ways a woman can connect with her deepest emotions and desires.
With most of the female population working, earning, striving, owning businesses, being the boss, being the leader, providing for families, setting goals and being driven towards success, it’s no wonder the polarity between the sexes is diminishing. There is also an increasing number of women who are not able to find a suitable mate who is ’strong enough’ to satiate her. There is little passion, less attraction, imagination or balance in our relationships as a result.
This is not to say that women should try to turn back the clock and not embrace their success. However, I think it’s important to understand that continuing to access only masculine energy is unsustainable for a woman – hence the exhaustion, overwhelm and low libido. Masculine energy, strongly expressed, is seen as power, dominance and leadership. When feminine energy is strongly expressed, it is shown as radiance, love and spontaneity.
Your feminine energy therefore is a sustainable force you can use all day, once you know how.
Bringing sexy back means taking care of yourself. It is about feeling like you deserve your attractiveness and sensuality, which we all have heaps of naturally. It means getting fit and healthy and taking the time to nurture yourself everyday. Most importantly, it’s about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Does this mean wearing a plunging neckline top to work to feel good? No, it does not. Sexiness comes from within. It’s your ‘GRRR Factor’… something far more complex than wearing a short skirt and getting a wolf whistle.
True sexiness is you being REAL and RAW. It is owning your femininity and your womanhood on a very deep level. Owning your sexiness and developing your own brand of sensuality is the secret to finding balance between work, home, family and relationships.
‘THE SEALED SECTION RETREAT’ weekend held at the end of this month, has been developed for this purpose. I think it is important for modern women to discover a new way of being that encompasses all of their incredible beauty, their dual nature and at the same time, allows for the feminine self to be nurtured. Let’s remember your desire to achieve great success in a sustainable way needs to encompass your feminine energy too. When a woman is comfortable and owns her sexuality, she immediately becomes stronger, playful and more attractive, on the inside and out.’
Janelle has a special offer for Brisbane Woman readers, so get in quick to secure your spot at her upcoming retreat.
What are your thoughts?
Do you call upon more masculine or feminine energy? Do we need to bring sexy back? Do you agree/disagree with Janelle?
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Hey Ladies, I really do agree with this article – working in the corporate world in a senior role I am often disappointed in my female colleagues and how hard they can be at times. It is like these women feel they need to be masculine in order to be successful, which is not the case. Embracing your female energy really does work, you just need the confidence in yourself to do it well.
I agree with this in theory, although you need to walk a fine line. Often sexuality is mistaken as low cut tops in the workplace which don’t work for other women or men. I do agree feminine energy is really important and it is a shame so many women no longer embrace this.
Hi Kylie , what an interesting article !
In my Business as a ‘Sexuality Coach’ for my business Secrets from the Boudoir, I also see so many ladies that have lost their ‘sense of self’ , they are unhappy and holding a lot of resentment and this manifests in their relationships.
We all need to need to reconnect with who we are, take time out to investigate what ‘pleasures’us , rediscover our Dreams and Desires.
….. and embrace our ‘SENSUALITY’
Kim Gillespie. Secrets From the Boudoir
I whole-heartedly agree, Janelle. It’s all about balance. There are times when and circumstances in which we do need to call on our masculine energy. Unfortunately, some of us have to do that over a very long and sustained period and we completely forget that we have a feminine side that needs to be expressed as well. You have outlined the consequenses of this disconnect very well. Congratulations and Thank you
You have so hit the nail on the head here – sexuality is such a massive part of my life and I know that I am not in my prime if I am not embracing this part of my being. Another point to add is that I also believe that women who are constantly in their masculine energy are developing health issues linked to suppressing their creativity and shunning their femininity. A woman is most powerful in her feminine energy and this doesnt mean low cut tops and necessarily “sexing it up” it means embracing the power that we all possess naturally – trusting our instincts and getting back in touch with that powerful self. Another thing I have also learnt along my journey is that no partner will satisfy you until you can satisfy yourself, no partner can love you the way that you seek until you can love yourself first in that way….but the good news is – its all possible!!! well done Janelle!
I think this article is brilliant! i’ve just been learning about the feminine & masculine energies – light and dark – that are part of our core / power / spirit (and mostly are denied / unutilised). there is lots of material available about Dark and Light feminine energy – it is quite eye opening and empowering! Google it, or look up Kahli for example, who is a reveared Godess of sexuality who is all about harnessing her dark energy. Tony Robbins also teaches how to develop it, along with many others. Your man will love it…
I agree that these days Woman operate most of the time in their masculine light energy or feminine light energy, unless they’ve had some powerful role models. Most corporate women unfortunately forget how powerful their feminine energy would be in the workplace…
Kylie – does Janelle do retreats in other states? I’m in Melbourne. Thanks.
Brilliant article!
Yes, yes, yes…just yesterday I wrote in my journal how I’ve been missing the part of me that was always present, my sensuality. Major life changes compounded with economic survival have accelerated the masculine energy in me. I’ve been way out of balance. Waking up to that realization has brought me back to my whole self. It was like taking a deep breath of fresh air and exhaling the imbalance. I’ve missed my feminine self for too long. Thank you for sharing your observation.