Girl Pals – there’s science behind it
October 2, 2008 | 
Author 
Friendships are a very important part of our lives. Agree? A ground breaking study conducted recently by UCLA confirms that friendships are more important than what we actually realised, especially to women.
The value and benefit of friendship are plentiful. My cup will run-oth over when it comes to sprouting the virtues of solid friendships. They can sooth the soul at very difficult times, make life seem fuller (when it is empty) and remind us of our amazing worth. Friendships however also do more for women in particular. Hanging out with your friends counteracts the high levels of stress we experience on a daily basis. This landmark study probed further than previous research on stress and discovered that when women are really stressed, chemicals are released in the brain that causes them to want and need to spend time with other women. It’s an amazing new piece of research, as prior to this scientists still believed woman followed the traditional ‘FIGHT or FLIGHT’ approach when dealing with stress, that dates back to when humans were being chased around by sabre tooth tigers. The massive amount of adrenalin you feel rushing through your body when you are upset or angry is because zillions of years ago, when put under such nerve-racking circumstances we either had to fight to stay alive or exit at full speed. Both required a massive burst of adrenalin and years later we are still hit with the same rush. Women have a much larger behavioural repertoire when it comes to stress management, according to the research. The actual hormone we release under stress – oxytocin, acts as a buffer to the ‘FIGHT or FLIGHT’ instinctive response and pushes woman to gather with other women. This has a very calming effect. Because men provide high levels of testosterone under stress, this reduces the effects of oxytocin, where as our oestrogen enhances it. Being with your children will also have the same effect on women. This ‘TEND and BEFRIEND’ theory developed by Dr Klein and Dr Taylor from UCLA is now considered to be one of the reasons women outlive men. There is no doubt, says Dr Klein when discussing the results of her study, that friendships help women live longer by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol. Local Brisbane psychologist Jeannette Brennan says the role friendships play in women’s lives in imperative. “Men also value and place importance on friendships. Their friendships are less intimate in nature and there are certain things they just don’t talk to their friends about. More men are coming to therapy now so they can talk to someone privately. Women really do tend to share more with their close friends and so friendships are a great emotional support for them. This support is very important through turbulent emotional times such as a relationship break down, for example.” Brennan Psychological Services offers individual, couple and group therapy on the north and south sides of Brisbane. Jan Yager, a sociologist and friendship coach has written a book on friendships When Friendships Hurt. Jan covers many areas from overcoming and walking away from the difficult friendships, to more importantly exploring how to cultivate new, positive friendships that can last a life time.
This blog is designed for Brisbane women, about Brisbane women. Have your say here.
What are your thoughts on this study and friendships in general? Does this study ring true for you? Who else in your life has a calming effect when under great amounts of stress?
If you would like to suggest a topic or provide feedback on this blog then I would love to hear from you. If you would also like to be part of the Brisbane Woman blog and forum, then please email me and receive a weekly reminder.
Thank you for interest and participation.
Posted in 
Tags: 
I agree with this sudy def. Friendships are wonderful to help celebrate the good time but you see the real value of friendships when you are stuggling and need support. I think good and bad times are important in friendships – like a relationship, it makes you develop confidence in the friendship.
I think you can tell when a women values her friendships – she takes care of them, like all the relationships in her life. Women who don’t value friendships are not trustworthy to me, there is something not right with them.
I do notice a diffence between the friendships my husband and I have. We both love our friends for different reasons and allow eachother to spend quality time with our friends, wihtout feeling guily about it. Friendships can give you a different perspective on things that your partner can’t always.
I have a weekly catch up with my girlfriends and this is invaluable time for us. I related to what the study found because I find that I really relax and forget about things when around my friends, at these gatherings. Sometimes it feels like the stress just leaves my body for a while. I don’t know what I would do without them actually.
Well, we girls have known that for ages! I don’t know what I’d do without my girlfriends. I am there for them, as they are for me. There are few things as satisfying as a good girlie day… a coffee together can so easily become a few hours of deep and meaningful coversation… quite incredible. Can have the same or better effect as a trip to a psychologist!!
I love my friends, and I know they love me. But is there a missing element of the study? Like when friends are the stressor? Do we just naturally go to other ‘friends’? Or do we classify those people as non-friends?
I agree with Kelly on this. When friendships turn sour it is extremely stressful. While some friendships are wonderful and supportive, the toxic ones really give you a beating at the time and can be very difficult to break away from. I guess these are not the friendships the study is referring to. Perhaps it is really saying that positive friendships can lower your stress levels, and the ones that don’t you should walk away from.
My dear friend is probably the reason I am still married and that our children are still alive and vice versa. When you have a trusted friend who you know you can confide in about anything (without it becoming the next big rumour at the kindy/school) it sure is a de-stresser. Just talking about something can sometimes just release it and make it seem not so bad. Like a good old cry!