Marriage mini break?
May 27, 2009 | 
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"There aren’t many women who, at one time or another, haven’t daydreamed of running away from it all. Maybe it’s in the middle of wiping the kitchen bench clean of crumbs for the umpteenth time that day!
Perhaps it’s when they find themselves practising their labour breathing exercises just to cope with the traffic on the way home from work, knowing they’ll be late to the childcare centre again. Or maybe, like me, it’s the day they wake up yearning for the time when they were not just a wife, not just a mum, but simply Sue – a person with hopes, dreams and desires just like anyone else.
That’s where I was this time last year. At 43, I’d been married to Brad for 16 years, had two teenage boys and worked full-time as a ward clerk at Princess Margaret Hospital for Children in Perth where we lived. It was a good job but one I’d held for 10 years. I was finding the stresses increasingly hard to leave behind at the end of the day.
I loved Brad wholeheartedly, but along the way trying to combine being wife, mum and employee, I’d lost me, the woman I was and, for all our sakes, I needed to find her again.
So when my long service leave came up and I suddenly had three months to play with, I knew it was now or never to have the "ultimate" me time. I decided to get away on my own travelling through South East Asia for three months.
I hoped immersing myself in a different environment and throwing away alarm clocks, homework schedules, shopping lists and all the other paraphernalia that comes with being a woman – whether working outside the home or not – would feed my soul and find the clarity I craved for the next stage of my life.
Not everyone found my decision easy to cope with. Brad definitely found it confronting at first and I had to explain it was nothing to do with him, nothing to do with us, but everything to do with me. I wasn’t looking for anyone or anything else by going away on my own and I had no doubt I was going to come back to him and our boys.
Others asked if I had marriage problems and basically skirted around the issue – I didn’t and I knew that. They could think what they wanted. We compromised by agreeing for Brad to join me on the last leg of my trip, where we would then trek through the Himalayas to Everest Base Camp.
The boys, Jordan 15 and Dylan 14, just thought I was cool. I think they hoped it was going to be three months of Dad and the lads without Mum around to nag! As my flight to Bangkok drew near I felt nervous, but once I’d kissed my three boys goodbye and dried the tears, I cracked open the champagne and settled back to enjoy the first stage of Operation Rediscovering Sue!
The next few months were beyond words. The trekking in Northern Thailand, sleeping in bamboo huts in hill villages, zipping around on a motorbike, walking alongside a tiger with a Buddhist monk and a yoga and meditation course were highlights. I unwound, met people from all over the world and rediscovered who I was and what I wanted.
When Brad flew into Bangkok the night before our 17th wedding anniversary, we ran into each others’ arms. The weeks that followed, trekking through beautiful landscapes, were just like a second honeymoon. Absence most definitely made our hearts grow fonder.
I’d kept in touch with the boys via Skype along the way but it was nothing like holding them in my arms again for a huge hug when we got back to Perth.
Taking a sabbatical from my marriage and from motherhood changed so many things for me. I’ve found peace and contentment, renewed energy to embrace life, not just tolerate it. I came home, left my job and set up a travel company for women and within a few short months, Adventurous Women has become a booming business.
The boys see me as a person, not just as mum any more and I hope this whole journey will provide a strong template for their own future relationships. In a marriage you’re two people, not one, but it is easy to stagnate because of the demands of life and lose the essence of who you are – however much you love your family.
The past year has taught me it’s possible to do whatever you want if you want it badly enough – and feeding your soul is just as important as feeding your family."
Courage is what separates the ordinary from the extraordinary, in my opinion. Having the courage to admit that change is necessary in your life is the first step. Not taking the action required to implement these changes is where we come unstuck. This site is about extraordinary women following their passions, so thanks Sue for sharing this wonderful story with us. Please check out Sue’s site Adventurous Women when you have a chance. Life really is an exciting adventure (when we allow it to be!)
Have your say here….
Tell us when you have decided to take a chance? What about a time when you have made a decision that you knew was not going to fair well with your family? What do you think about Sue’s comments in relation to feeding your soul and that of your family?
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What a fantastic article and congratulations Sue for taking the plunge and following your dreams. I think it is a timely reminder for all of us that life is short and there is much success and abundance out there for us take hold of(even with a recession
Thank goodness Sue had a loving husband and supportive family. Many women are not so fortunate and that hinders us taking chances. When you are feeling nervous about taking a risk, others around you are negative or non supportive, it is hard not to take that onboard and settle for a more ‘sensible’ yet less rewarding choice. “Who am I to dare to dream this big?” In the end you have to create your own path and as Sue demonstrated – it not only positively affects you but everyone else around you too.
May I strongly suggest a mid-1950′s book by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Charles Lindbergh’s wife who had experienced the kidnapping and murder of her first child years earlier). It’s a lovely book for women or men – “A Gift from the Sea”. Reading this article made me think of it again.
I re-read it after escaping myself overseas at zero notice earlier this year (single, but facing mid-fifties). I found the same book on the book shelves of a lovely female friend in upstate New York during my escape.
Sue, I loved your story, and like most mothers, I think many of us could relate to it.
It is easy to let your essance be lost when children are very young and perhaps it’s even necessary (who knows?), but that period doesn’t really last long. I beleive everyone in the family benefits when you are able to maintain the essance of ‘you’ throughout the family journey.
I meet so many young mother’s now who seem to be so much more aware of this then I was, when my children were young. Thank you for sharing your story Sue & Kylie.
Great website Kylie. Loved the 3 month marriage mini-break….I have taken a 2 week holiday each year by myself (for past 10 years). Husband and 3 teenagers cope well and I am able to recharge….I wish more married women were ok about giving themselves time out from being a mother and wife. I have travelled all over the world, met incredible people along the way and experienced some pretty amazing places…My solo holidays range from adventures in Nepal, India, Thailand, Africa, USA…
Wow, what a fantastic idea for long service leave: it really makes working for 10 years all the more worthwhile.
I did a solo sojourn to New Zealand a couple of years ago, and the experience was awesome. No need to factor in anyone else, just simply whatever you want goes.
This is such a great idea for everyone – men, women, young people: everyone needs a recharge and a challenge to test the wits that can’t be found at home.
Go Sue!