Be, do and have
Posted Under: Women in Business
“Be all that you can be Kylie.” This was said to me recently by a friend, as I was contemplating the pro’s and cons of taking up a new challenge and stepping outside my comfort zone.
I stopped mid sentence, as the words floated around us both and I tried to absorb what was really being said to me.
Such a simple, yet powerful message at the time, about my ability to hold myself back. I was doing it without even realizing, which I found even more confronting. If we sit and think about the person we want to be, the work we’d love to do and the relationships we’d like supporting our lives, why do we then limit ourselves like this?
I spoke with Business Coach Danielle Wicks from ActionCOACH Business Coaching about this experience. Her words of wisdom are below.
‘Why do we, as women, hold ourselves back from being all that we can be? It’s something I see regularly with my coaching and I have to admit it is often more prevalent in females than in males.
There are many reasons why women hold themselves back. The major reason for this I believe is that we are brought up to put other people first. Eventually our partners, our children, our business, even our staff all go before we do.
As women generally there are emotional beliefs or conditioning like this that cause hindrance to us when trying to achieve our goals. I find in particular the one thing that is often overlooked or forgotten is – Who do I need to BE to achieve this?
Statistics show that 95% of people who set a new years resolution have given up on it by the end of January and only 2% will achieve their goals in that year. If this is true, what makes those 2% different?
Working on goals as a whole, I always refer to this formula; Be x Do = Have. By adopting this approach we can look at all the aspects of achieving our true potential. This formula incorporates both the BE and the DO. The greater our BE and DO, the greater our chances of HAVE.
Most of us have an idea of what we want to HAVE in the future and if we are honest with ourselves we have a pretty good idea of where we are now.
We can often work out the things we need to DO to get the results. While it is important to know what we need to do, we must also ask ourselves, “Who do I need to BE?”
I see many women miss out on opportunities because while we know what to do, we don’t actually do anything about it.
What we say about ourselves, to ourselves, when we are alone, has the greatest impact on what we achieve in our lives and who we are (our BE). Whilst we say things to ourselves such as ‘I AM BROKE’ or ‘I AM TIRED’, are we going to get anywhere?
If we constantly say ‘I AM BROKE’ are we going to find the creativity within to get out of our current financial situation. With this negative self talk, is our natural tenacity and creativity going to flow into ideas to help move us on? If we are always telling ourselves we are tired, where will we find the energy to do anything?
Looking at the formula above, I believe it works effectively to go backwards. Everyone can set goals for what they want to HAVE in life. We realise that to have new things and achieve more results, we must change who we are and BE a new person in order to get there. It is about thinking and behaving as the person you want to BE. You will then really start to see some positive changes in your life.
The only time we really fail at a goal is when we decide to walk away and give up. Taking a chance and making a mistake however is great because we learn such valuable lessons from this, that ultimately take us one step closer to achieving our goals. We only move one step closer if we learn the lesson. When your goal is not reached and you don’t learn the lesson, then you start working against moving forward in your life. In order to move forward in life and improve our BE (our identity) we need to take risks, participate and learn so that we can improve our identity.
Success comes from putting steps in place to bridge the gap between where we are and what we want to HAVE or the results we want. After we address who we are, we can then look at what we have to DO and what actions we have to take.
I mentioned before that for many of us, we know what we want to achieve in life but we can’t quite get it into gear to make it happen. This is what I call the un-achievement cycle – we start off excited about our goals and our dreams, the possibilities and the beliefs of where we want to be and what we want to have. We then go into avoidance or procrastination. Often we do this due to un-clear focus, a lack of an action plan to achieve our goals or putting things into the ‘too hard’ basket.
There are many reasons we as women do this and this is why we have to look at our thoughts very closely. What thoughts are consuming you? How can we achieve our goals when we believe deep down that we are not good enough to be successful? How can we stop that little voice inside our head that says things like ‘you’ll never be any good at anything’? This is why we have to look at who we are, before we will actually move forward.
The most important thing to look at when we think about what we want to HAVE – is to look at what we need to DO and who we need to BE.
What do you want to HAVE in your life - goals? What do you need to DO to get there - actions? And most importantly, who do you need to BE - identity?
It is important to have someone in our lives who can help us on this path. This person may be your life partner, your business partner, a coach/ mentor or a good (honest and trustworthy) friend.’
BE x DO = HAVE
Tell us your thoughts on the BE x DO = HAVE formula. Does this resonate with you? How might this have worked for you in the past?
Reader Comments
I agree with this formula completely. If you want to create change in your life then you really need to think and act differently.
I think it starts with your thoughts really. I know when I change my thoughts my behaviours naturally changed too. I use visualisation too. This really has helped me move forward from old negative behaviours.
I think it is all about ‘walking your talk.’ If you can do this then everything falls into place.
Hmm, interesting concept. I don’t have a particularly mathematical brain, as the reduction of such complex concepts rarely, in my opinion, neatly falls into simple functions.
I like it though, to have a three word, 2 symbol motto!
Totally agree as it is all about closing the GAP from where/who you currently are to where/who you want to be.
Therefore the BE x DO = HAVE is all about working in harmony with universal laws.
It is my personal belief that expanding your identity, developing a positive mindset and understanding why achieving your goals is important to you are all vital steps in the goal setting process. Once you are clear on these areas take massive action and you’ll achieve more than you ever dreamed possible.
Totally agree with this concept and have used it in my life several times over, with fabulous results!
Great article, Kylie. I know it’s only February but I’ve seen extraordinary outcomes from following this mindset this year. I now have manageable plans to ‘do’ what I really want to do - and I monitor it weekly. I also have a friend attempting the same thing and we meet at a cafe once a week to ‘report’ on how our progress is going. It’s inspiring for both of us and helps keep that motivation going.
I think its also important to try and understand what has stopped you from achieving the goal in the first place-fear, laziness, ego, perhaps the goal really wasn’t important to you in the first place ??
It helps me to write down the top 3 reasons why I haven’t done something , then think of 5 things I can do to overcome them.
Hi! This is a great article Kylie. I regularly review my goals and what I want to HAVE in life. I vividly imagine what it is in every details, write it down and the DO & BE follows. I have a lot in my life that I need to fit in, Work full time, 2 children, husband, me time, family & friends (all in no particular order), if I dont regularly reflect and create my path I end up some place I dont want to be. An inspiring article, thank you!
I so agree with this article but would like to add my bit to the discussion. That is the “BE” identity, is often not clearly defined. As others have mentioned, the BE can change like a chameleon depending on state of mind, influences and environment. As a professional counsellor, I meet many people (largely women) who are struggling with identity. Many have “adopted” identity due to social conditioning (e.g. “I’m just a Mum”)and present with a low self-esteem because they aren’t studying, or trained, or just because they have opted to be a stay-at-home mum. Some develop guilt about leaving the kids to go to work or guilt because their hubby has to share jobs they would have otherwise done to keep everything ticking over. Many of these ladies have limiting beliefs which are sabotaging their “DO” and consequently their “HAVE”. As a counsellor, I try to work with people to challenge these limiting beliefs and bring about a different self-realisation. This ultimately frees people up to be braver and explore hopes and dreams, and to take resposibility for the here and now. They may have had a difficult childhood or a bad experience or no one to encourage them but every day is a new beginning, a fresh start. When bridges are built, people will get “past” the past and with new feelings will develop new ideas leading to new actions and of course new outcomes. The formula is simple and yet so powerful! That to me leads to another powerful statement:-
“If you always do
What you’ve always done
You will always get
What you’ve always got!”
If you stay positive you will create positive,
If you think abundantly you will create abundance.
If you stay in a constant state of humble service you will be guided every step of the way
I agree with this, though to me it starts with how you feel, your thoughts come next, then action and results.
If you feel good this acts as a magnet for what you want in life.
If you stay positive you will create positive,
If you think abundantly you will create abundance.
If you stay in a constant state of humble service you will be guided every step of the way
After reading these words by Marianne Williamson years ago, my thinking changed. I regularly revisit her wise words
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material
I think when you truly understand the concept of BE + DO = HAVE and apply it to everyday life and your goals there’s no precise and quicker way to acquiring everything you truly want.
BE DO HAVE - This is a great subject and a very powerful one. There is another way to look at this too, which is - start from the end result. Look at the goal/s you want to achieve, the vision you have for your life and ask yourself, how would I BE if I had already achieved the result or goal? Then go into BEing that person. For example, you want the promotion. Imagine you already HAVE the promotion, how would you feel and what would you do differently to now? Would you dress differently, speak differently etc. Would you feel more successful, abundant, motivated? With these emotions in mind, go into BEing the person who has already achieved the result and you will be amazed at the outcome. When you are already being that person, the DOing comes naturally - and you start attracting the circumstances that bring about the ‘HAVE’ing. So, start at the end, be that person now, which includes doing what that person would do and the having will happen automatically.
Counter intention or doubt is absolutely the way to negate this outcome, so visualise yourself having the end result daily, at least once and get in touch with the feelings it generates, the excitement, the gratitude and that will help to keep you on track.