Hello, my name is Kylie…
Posted Under: Women's Health & Wellbeing
Recently I met a delightful women who confessed that she had an ‘addictive personality.’ “Addicted to what?” I enquired. “Bad men, recreational drugs, alcohol and drama.” “Gees, your life must be one hell of a party – wanna swop for a while?”
This jovial conversation got me thinking about women and addiction. Most women I know are addicted to something, myself included. This doesn’t have to mean a chemical dependency or being a member of AA, but there are many forms of addiction and most are emotionally driven. Something that can initially make us feel good seems to easily become a problem. Case in point – one square of chocolate that becomes a whole family block. The line in the sand is often blurred with addictions and whether they are problamatic. We all do have varying levels of addictions in our lives but are all addictions a bad thing? I spoke with local expert Susan Living from The Clean Living Clinic recently, a full time therapist working with stress, anxiety, depression, substance issues and stop-smoking programs. Her thoughts are below. “Addiction” is a nasty word. “When we hear it we get flashes of sad, cliched images and we think “no, not me. I’m not addicted. I’ve got my life together.” According to the dictionary, addiction is “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, to such an extent that it’s cessation causes trauma”. Perhaps we can be better served by redefining it as simply “if we don’t have it or if we don’t do it, we miss it”. We’ve got cigarettes, drugs and alcohol to depend on. There’s gambling addiction, shopping addiction and sex addiction. We can be addicted to food, addicted to work, addicted to television and addicted to exercise. We laugh about our chocolate addiction and over-look our caffeine dependency (but I only drink one cup per day!) without realizing that these can be damaging to our sense of inner strength and how we perceive ourselves. On a more subtle level we have addiction and dependency in relationships and on the drama and patterns we play out again and again. Are we addicted to the need to be seen as always right, always strong, always perfect? Are we dependent on others’ approval and do we need it to be happy? Are we addicted to the illusion that we are in control of our lives? That we can control what others think of us? That we can control our children or our lovers? Whether physical, psychological or emotional, addiction and dependency always serve us in some way, for some brief moment in time. If we consider addiction again as “when we don’t have it, we miss it”, can we observe discomfort within when our sense of “control” is taken away from us; when our morning routine is broken; when we are cut off in traffic or when people don’t behave the way we want them to? We are all addicted to our own point of view and our own way of looking at the world and as with all addictions, it is not until the consequences get too much that we think to change. So, we’re all addicted to something but what do we do about it? Get addicted to some-thing better of course! If we drink alcohol every day we could discover the incredible benefits of exercise, if we use Valium, we may find meditation to soothe the mind and slow down the speed of our thoughts and if control is our drug of choice, we work on developing acceptance of what is. Society often tells us when our dependencies reach dangerous levels but ultimately it is our own inner experience that tells us when and how to change our lives - we simply need to listen. For more information go to www.thecleanlivingclinic.com.au Do you think all addictions are negative? When might an addiction be healthy? What are you addicted to right now? How have you overcome addictions in the past?
Reader Comments
I don’t think all addictions are negative. Sometimes we enjoy things so much we don’t want them to be taken away. It is human nature, it does not mean we are addicts.
I think more and more women are becoming addicted to drinking alcohol, expecially younger women which I think is really sad. Having lived with an alcoholic I learnt first hend the toxic life they not only impose of themselves but on everyone around them. Young women are trying to be in the ‘boys’ club and I get concerned that they mess up their lives trying to keep up with this.
I’ve often wondered if I had an addictive personality. Anything that makes me feel good I can tend do go overboard with and soon it becomes a problem. I know this about myself so I try to live by an ‘everything n moderation’ mantra and allow myself the occasional over indulgences.
I don’t consider addictions a problem until they start affecting your life in a negative way. Sitting down and eating a full bar of chocolate is not a big deal if you do it every now and then. Drinking 3 bottles a wine each night and being too hungover to go to work is a problem though.
Sometimes it is just boring being good all the time. I think there are healthy and fun addictions to be had. You can’t be too disciplined in life and sometimes breaking free and giving in to addictions is all part of the fun, we are human after all.
There is nothing fun about chemical addictions of any sort. Addictions like this destroy lives. We must be careful not to make light of people with serious addiction problems. It is becoming a serious issue in our society, especially with women. Women who have experienced violence for example are prone to chemical of alcohol addictions.
I think addiction is not a great word to use at times.
It does depend on a level and your thoughts surrounding it. Is it a habit? Is it what you turn to when things go wrong. If so, thats called self medicating, a coping strategy and very likely to become an addiction if things go very wrong!
Now I’m a chocolate conniseur. I eat chocolate every day, not a block a day though (and for all those saying bet your fat too, nope, I enjoy a healthy dose of exercise 5 or more times a week and eat lots of fresh veges and fruit and enjoy meat or fish every day)
Sometimes you can be an alcoholic without having to drink every day, those binges every weekend or fortnight are a form of alcoholism, especially if you are coming home friday nights going “have to have that beer / wine / vodka etc” and it is the first thing you think about (and do). Alpha alcoholism exists as the normal rational person, who has the frequent binges, but doesnt drink every day or get drunk all the time.
Healthy ‘addictions’ are great fun. I’m a dancer and I guess I’m addicted to the music! My partner is addicted to watching cricket!
It’s a perception thing.
Recently all my cravings for chocolate left me. I dont crave it often now at all. And I think its because I stopped thinking about it as an addiction and a bad thing and accepted it as something I like to treat myself with especially as I do everything else so right for myself.
Our addictions often meet one of our human needs. Sometimes its to feel that uncertainity of what will happen (ie get drunk and something strange or unfamiliar happens), or certainity (get the same buzz everytime). We often go overboard because we are trying to make up for other needs not being met. Do you feel loved? Sometimes that is the reason we do try to make ourselves feel better.
I’d love to talk some more on this, its a fascinating topic. Im looking forward to reading everyone’s comments.
a healthy addiction has helped my best friend conquer (or was it just a trasnfer of the addiction) her addiction of smoking to one of the fittest people I know - I had thought this new addition to be almost as detrimental as the first, but over time it appears that she has the fitness addiction at a point where she now can go without for more than a day, and not her only focus. Like Melissa says if the thought process changes then the emphasis will too. Those that have had one and managed to overcome them - I congratulate you all. drop in a line about your experience - I see other also wish to know about them.
I hope I too can overcome mine with chocolate…
I spent a holiday in Bali and at the time was pondering addiction and so wrote about it from a personal perspective. (A bit too long to put here) but relevant all the same. If you are interested you read it on the above website. We are all in this together that is for sure. I feel so proud I have overcome so many ‘addictions’ and there are more to go. Also life is supposed to fun, so all in moderation and one day at a time.
I know for me personally, I get temporarily addicted to things and then I get bored or something changes. For example, I watched all 6 seasons of The Sopranos in about 6 weeks. We’re talking watching an episode (55 minutes average!) before work, and two or three after work. I had this extremely unhealthy attachment to the show for those 6 weeks, and I would happily ignore my phone when friends phoned, or say that I was busy if people wanted to catch up. Clearly watching TV isn’t a bad thing (in comparison to say heroin addiction), but it still had the same effect: I put those things that are most important second (I just re-read what I wrote, and it in hindsight, it is so pathetic that I would have rather watched TV than spend time with my friends!).
The thing is, the series finished and I actually felt a sense of achievement! But what happened? A massive project at work came up and now I ignore my friends’ phone calls because I am working 14 hour days - I’m now addicted to doing a good job, and it is just as unhealthy….
Addiction… is nothing more than a summary word that means exceptionally good at a chosen thing. Every single olympian/sports professional is an addict… they have to be. Addiction… is so thrown around and overused that it seriously bores me. Unless you are using it to describe a positive trait don’t bother using it! No-one has the right to label another in any negative context and yet that is what so many do with the word addict. I love being an addict of anything i choose to do in the present moment… i pride myself on being a high achiever on any task and therefore that makes me an addict - but i can call myself whatever i want as i know it is in a positive context. Where there is a choice - make it a positive - where there isn’t ignore it
As a spiritual healer I see many clients who are addicted to believing there is some thing wrong with them, or they have a blockage about something or they are stuck in a certain situation, more and more I am letting people see how perfect they are and how they can take control of what they see as negatives within their personalities and use these to move forward in a possitive way. Being addicted to critisising yourself and putting your self down is easily disguised when you call it healing or self improvement.Whatch out for these thoughts and what you say about yourself, as what you focus on grows, just because you focus on it. Use your so called negative traits to move forward. For example the other day I had a client who hated critisism, she just froze up and did nothing about it I told her to ask herself if what was being said about her , to her, was true about her, she had never done this. You can use critism to tap into the truth about yourself, by simply asking yourself is that true about me? Listen to your answers, 9 times out of ten it is not true what others say, but their soul is trying to get you to see this fact. Examin what others say and tap into the truth of who you are. A beautiful person, kind, generous and loving.