That Dark Knock
Posted Under: Women's Health & Wellbeing
Sitting down at a networking lunch recently, I found myself chatting to a delightful local artist. When she found out that I was a freelance writer, Donna asked if I had ever researched or written about female depression. Now writing about depression isn’t very sexy. After all, isn’t this blog supposed to be about empowering women?
The truth is I don’t know anyone whose life has not been touched by depression, in some way. They say the same thing about cancer now too. I hardly blinked when a new friend told me that she had been diagnosed with a brain tumour 12 months ago. This is not to down play the seriousness of this devasting diagnosis, (she is in recovery now) but more my acceptance that no-one is untouched and we all faced with such inexplicable challenges at times. If you are like me (sometimes pretty naive), you probably used to link depression to people who just felt sorry for themselves or those who weren’t able to move through challenging times effectively. In my late twenties, finding myself in a very unhealthy relationship and a very unsatisfying job, I first heard the nasty knock of depression on my door. I opened it slowly, but it jumped in and stomped on me for a few months. I saw a therapist at the time - I had no idea how to pull myself out of it. Who does? This is one form of depression, one that is brought on by significant bad stuff going on in your life. Depression in women however is also brought on by genetics, hormones, periods, giving birth and menopause. For some women it is a daily battle and others, a life battle. We all get frustrated with life sometimes, get the blues or can feel more emotional, but this is a far cry from the strangle hold depression can have when you are under it’s dark cloud. What is concerning is that depression is on the rise, especially with women. Women are more likely to suffer from depression twice as much as men. The organisation - Beyond Blue, says that now 1 in 4 women here in Australia experience depression at some point in their lives. Over half a million working days are lost each year to depression; this costs our economy over $600 million per year. The challenge is that mental illness, whether temporary or permanent - is still a dirty word. If you have ever suffered from depression, you know that you are mentally unwell; you are not crazy, your whole vision of life just gets completely distorted for an ugly period of time. At the time when Donna was extremely depressed and actually considering suicide, a friend handed her a sketch pad and encouraged her to start drawing. This single act saved her life. “You know, when my friend insisted that I do some artwork, I felt like a zombie when I began to draw. As I began to feel the beauty of creation, I was swept up and taken to a place where I felt unconditional love, acceptance and inspiration,” said Donna. Her first solo exhibition was held in early 2005. “Reach out and support someone you know is suffering depression or reach out for help if you are the one suffering in silence. Please don’t suggest they get out of the house and go for a walk or to put on their joggers. You need to turn up, offer them a cuppa and go for a walk with them. Don’t tell them to snap out of it, they are not lazy, they are ill. They feel extremely alone, even if surrounded by people. They need friendship and encouragement to reconnect. They need your company, NOT your sympathy or fear.” Donna says she now understands that her breakdown was actually a gift. It turned her life around and set her on an incredible journey. She now also teaches transformational workshops for people to tap into their creative power. Please go to www.donnahawkins.com to look at Donna’s beautiful artwork or to contact her about her workshops or depression. The truth is depression does not discriminate; it can affect anyone. People DO move on from depression in their lives, they just need help to do it. Depression is common and highly treatable. Once identified, depression is almost always successfully treated. For more information please go to www.beyondblue.org.au. You can call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or visit your local GP. Free counselling and support is available here in Brisbane.
This blog is designed for Brisbane women, about Brisbane women. Have your say here.
Have you ever suffered from depression or do you know someone who has? Tell us about your experiences? What do you think are effective techniques to deal with depression?
Reader Comments
I think depression is still very much swept under the carpet. It is sad because it is such a serious issue for men and women. There is still something embarrassing about admitting that you do or have suffered from depression. It is sad because I think many people still suffer in agonising silence, thinking it is just a case of trying to positive. It is impossible to feel positive when you are depressed.
I have suffered from depression in the past, and I know many of my friends have too. Some go on anti-depressents which is a huge issue in our society now. I think if you are feeling suicidal then anti-depressents are necessary, but you also need to see a counsellor or therapist to help you deal with what is causing it.
I just saw an ad on the WNA noticeboard for anyone who needs help.
Lift Out of Depression - NATIONAL. ‘Lift Out of Depression’ is a program creating positive changes to promote confidence and excitement for the future. For more details contact Judi T: 0416 220 539
The most important thing is to get help and start taking action towards re-building your life. That worked for me and my life turned around. At the time no on-one could understand how I felt. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you through this. That is really important.
Hello wonderful Brisbane ladies, I have just finished reading the book Eat, Prey, Love and can highly recommend it. It is about a women who suffered from depression after her divorce. Great read and interesting too. Elizabeth Gilbert is the author.
My husband has suffered from depression and I must admit at first I didn’t know how to help. Coming from a family that didn’t understand nor support sufferers, I did not have their support either. They thought my husband was lazy and were happy to inform me of this. Finally after many years I have learnt to see the signs in my husband and I can often help him get out before depression takes hold. It gives me enormous pleasure to know that I can help him and that he now knows he can turn to me for help.
Depression is one word that covers many forms of mental illness including anxiety. Not all of them are about feeling sad, someone may be happy at times and then sad, or not sad at all, but driven by panic or fear. If you notice changes to a person you love, dont let it go on. Urge them to seek help and go with them and support them. Love them no matter what the diagnosis. They are still the same beautiful person.
http://www.clearthinking.com.au is another good resource for individuals or family members wanting to know more about mental illness.
Yeah two comments I think -
Not only is depression a dirty word but I think ‘therapy’ is too - I have a therapist, and while I give it 2 thumbs up, I never mention it at work because I believe my colleagues will think there is something wrong with me and I’m untrustworthy (perhaps I should raise this with said therapist…)
My other comment - Kylie, I’m the same in that a tragedy barely enters the radar. I can still empathise (or experience) the tragedy, but I’ve definitely been desensitised from all the cancers and suicide and car accidents. How depressing.
Depression, does affect so many more people than is recognised, so may people are afraid to admit they suffer from depression for fear of being labelled - be it mentally ill, or crazy.
I myself have had battles with depression and am on medication for this condition, though generally it does not affect the way I do my job.
I have a loving supportive husband who is able to recognise if I am what he calls ’slipping’ and need some help to get myself back on track.
I’ve suffered depression on and off for years, first time I was on meds for it - it seemed to help. I can recognise the triggers/warning signs now and know how to pull myself out of it (though it doesn’t always work - there are times when it gets really dark!)
For me - depression is in the genes, most of my family have suffered from it, so it’ll likely be a life long battle for all of us. Currently seeing a therapist for it now (though, seeing my therapist for other reasons too).
My husband suffers from it too - right now he’s in a really dark place - I try to give him all the love and support I can, but it’s hard when the depression doesn’t want to let him see it.
Never realised how self absorbing depression could be - I’d always been the one suffering from it, seeing my hubby go through it is horrible… it can be such a terrible thing.
We’ve both had traumatic childhoods though, so it could possibly be linked to that (both our families have - wonder if that’s why we were attracted to each other in the first place, we knew how hard it was for the other person)… sad how almost everyone has been touched by something traumatic these days…
Anyway… here’s some numbers that may help anyone suffering from depression or need help in some other way:
Mensline Australia - 1300 22 4636
Lifeline - 13 11 14
Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277
Kids Help Line - 1800 551 800
Signs of Depression:
Are you or one of your mates…
*Feeling Down?
*Drinking or Smoking too much?
*Withdrawing from family and friends?
*Stressing over money worries?
*Easily irritated or upset?
*Feeling like you’re losing control?
It could be depression. With the right treatment, most people recover depression. Contact 1300 22 4636, or visit:
http://www.beyondblue.org.au
I know this post is a little late, but it’s funny how the universe works. I have just been dealing with two very close friends in relation to depression. One is currently supporting a young teenager who was forced out of a terrible home environment and is struggling to cope with the demands of not only trying to support this young women, but not sure what to do and when. They are both currently seeing therapists to help them both on their journey forward. The other young girl is trying to cope with her mothers sudden depression and also struggling with not only what to do, but the role reversal where now the expectation is that she is the parent, provider and care giver. Her mother is currently choosing not to seek any professional help which is not assisting the situation in any way.
Unfortuantely, it is true that depression is still considered “dirty” or something to be swept under the carpet.
It’s good to know and let the ones we care about know that they are not alone in their struggle with depression and that there is help and support for them.
I know a lot of people who have suffered with depression, including several family members. My best-friend’s husband was depressed for three years before taking his own life.
In trying to find out more about how I can help those close to me who are depressed I found many great resources. Some of them are listed in comments above and another one that’s really good is a book at http://www.beatdepressiononline.com. I found it very helpful.
Depression is often unrecognised in our society, and can leave friends and family feelin g helpless. Depression doesn’t discriminate with age or lifestyle it can effect anyone.
Someone else has suggested the book, Eat Prey Love I would also recomend this.
I work as an alternative therapist, and have seen natural medicine and healing to bring about positive change in people suffering from depression and anxiety.
Depression is now one of my favourite topics to discuss. As weird as that may sound, I must add I love it. Not depression itself, having the fortitude, knowledge and ability and success of having suffered it myself, gone through it, alone I might add, awakening to the greater me and moving through it to come out the other side a different person.
I first encountered depression as a child and was given valium as the answer. WRONG. My environment, the people I was around caused me to internalize so much so it became a habit, even as a teenager.
In my adult years I experienced a number of traumas and oops there it was again. This time with avengence.
I hid my suffering from those around me and suffered in silence for a long time, the problem was I was not just responsible for me. I had an infant to look after.
Now to cut out the long story of life experiences I dedicate my work to assisting people regain their emotional health. check out my website http://www.diannemead.com
I would love to hear from you and believe me I know what it’s like to not want to speak with anyone. In fact some of you may not even be aware you are suffering YET … with love Dianne